O.C. Writers

By Andrea Lewis //

In a discussion at the Lake Forest Writers Roundtable, internal thoughts of the characters were mentioned as a way of showing context or conveying information about the character. Soon, it became obvious that rendering the internal thoughts of the character does more for a story. I decided to give more attention to this topic as my work in progress included my character’s inner reflections and I needed to make some decisions.

I. What are internal thoughts?

In an article on Jericho Writers, Isabella May defines internal thoughts, or what people “tell themselves” as “the result of a specific cerebral function which causes us to ‘hear’ ourselves speak in our head, without physically talking or making sounds. […] It’s a stream of consciousness that only the person thinking it can experience.”

Once characters expose their innermost thoughts, they become vulnerable and relatable to the readers. In an article on Jane Friedman’s blog, Elizabeth Sims finds that internal thoughts allow characters to “confide in the audience,” thus making them the “greatest tool for gaining reader confidence.”

Terminology. Whether characters ask and answer questions in their mind, or have a one-way speech inside, writers speak of “internal dialogue” or “internal monologue.” Therefore, most sources consulted for this article alternate between the two or opt for “internal thoughts” to encompass both.

II. Why use internal thoughts in stories?

A. Reveal character

One way to reveal character is by showing their thoughts on page, either through dialogue with other characters, or with themselves. Their thoughts reflect their personality and dictate their actions.

Revealing character through their thoughts means uncovering as much as possible about their personality, their complex existence by showing on the page what goes through their mind in a way that contributes to the development of the plot.

The editors at Masterclass identify some of the aspects that internal thoughts can expose about a character:

• Motivation: what drives the character in the story.
• Backstory: can make a character more relatable.
• True feelings: the character says the opposite of what they think.

Isabella May at jerichowriters.com adds “the true sense of relationships and dynamics” to this list, as the main character relates to both the characters in the scene, and to those absent from it.

In their Masterclass, Dan Brown and David Baldacci use internal monologue with the main purpose “to create intimacy with [the] reader – and to get them to care about [the] main character.” (Brown, Masterclass)

Other benefits that the two authors find in sharing the character’s inner thinking are:

• Seeing the character’s thoughts and feelings as they happen, exposing motivations, opinions, and personality.
• Learning information on setting, events, other characters.
• Get equal doses of excitement (through action) and recovery (through more reflective, internal moments).

B. Give depth to the story

The editors at Masterclass detect roles that the inner thoughts of the characters play for the story as a whole, not only for the character.

• Set the mood of a scene through their emotions.
• Increase tension along with the changes in the character’s feelings.
• Uncover inner conflict through the character’s doubts and weighing situations in their head.
• Add context to spoken dialogue or contradict it.
• Divulge emotions or points of view that feel painful, embarrassing, dangerous to disclose to the outside world.

Isabella May finds more reasons to show inner reflections:

• Heighten a reader’s senses through a stream of consciousness.
• Divulge self-perception and mentality with the characters’ background or past.

III. Ways of writing it

On Writingtipsoasis.com, Georgina Roy lists the most common ways that writers render the internal thoughts of their characters:

• Quotation marks are used only when the character is alone, and voicing the words, not just thinking them. Otherwise, quotation marks should mark dialogue between characters.
• Italics along with dialogue tags will help the reader distinguish between dialogue and internal thoughts. Beware of the “thought to himself” tag, as one can only think for themselves, unless they are in a science fiction setting where characters communicate through telepathy.  
• Italics without dialogue tags is common, once the author has established which character is used as the viewpoint.

Example: Finding Jane, by Elizabeth Conte

How had she not noticed?

Jane scrutinized the man before her.

Frocked coat? Cossack trouser? A cravat nicely displayed at his neck?

• No italics at all, when using first person narration or deep point of view third person narration. The reader is already in the mind of the point of view and does not an extra indicator.

Elizabeth Sims focuses on current trends:

Tense: the current tendency is to write “the majority of internal dialogue in present tense” even when the rest of the work is in the past.

Format: “The only rule is to avoid quotation marks […] as they are associated with spoken-aloud dialogue and can confuse the reader,” remarks Sims.

IV. What to avoid

Writing the character’s internal thoughts plays positively into the story on many levels. However, there are a few aspects to keep in mind in the process.

Elizabeth Sims advises that writers avoid:

• “Making a character’s inner voice into a sarcastic wisecracker who won’t shut up.” Although entertaining, it may annoy and become predictable.
• “Head hopping.” Internal dialogue works best when it is reserved for one character only, the protagonist.
• “I thought to myself” is an unwanted construction, as people usually think for themselves.
• All internal thoughts should serve the story, rather than characters dwelling on minor details.

Audrey Wick at Writer’s Digest recommends:

• Avoiding inner thoughts turning into fillers by repeating something already on the page.
• Keeping it streamlined and cutting out unnecessary words. E.g. I knew I wanted the job can be simplified to I wanted the job.
• Staying consistent in spelling, formatting, and the character’s way of speaking.

V. Build your skill

Elizabeth Sims proposes an exercise where authors should take fifteen minutes to write what they think, their own internal dialogue or stream of consciousness that goes through their mind. They should strive to write as realistically as they think. Then, repeat the process for their characters.

The editors at Redloungeforwriters.com offer a few tips in writing meaningful inner dialogue:

• It must be important, it must carry the story forward, add details that mean something to the story.
• It must be authentic and sound like the character who is thinking those thoughts.

While these notes on internal thoughts may not be comprehensive, they helped me in the story I was working on for the next The Truth That Can’t Be Told. Although not that exciting or demanding, I chose to write the story in first person, thus the entire experience would show the inner reflections through the first-person filter.

What are your tips on how you have used inner thoughts of the characters in your stories?

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ANDREA LEWIS lives and writes in Huntington Beach. She was born in Romania and moved to the United States at the age of 34, after meeting and marrying her husband. She writes memoir and personal essays, with a recent attempt at freeform poetry. Her work has been featured in the Los Angeles Times.