O.C. Writers

By Barbara Neal Varma //  

Catchy title, eh?

And yet completely untrue. Fake news at its finest. Because this article really has nothing to do with either a million dollars or celebs.

A better, more accurate moniker would be: “Why I Don’t Like Clickbait Titles and Stubbornly Refuse to Write Them.” Subhead: “This drives my media-savvy husband crazy.” (Not to mention my editors.)

I mostly write magazine articles and essays that are published online. And since my stories are inevitably posted next to others—often many others—they’ve got to stand out, draw readers in with an irresistible headline. I get it. I just don’t think I need to resort to Enquirer-type tactics to get folks to tune in and read on. 

I prefer a little nuance in my titles instead of the tell-all style that leaves little to the imagination. I especially like words or phrases with double meanings that wink at the readers; sultry headlines that hint at what’s to follow.

Editors, however, prefer headlines that skip the wordplay and are designed to reach the most readers in the least amount of time. According to my tech-savvy husband, more than 25 percent of all internet titles are engineered. In other words, a computer algorithm is holding the proverbial writing pen.

Take these two options for the same story. Both do the job, but the second one was composed by a computer chip to get folks to click on it.

• In Small Claims Court, Plaintiffs Find a Way to Even the Odds
• People Are Suing Equifax in Small Claims Court and It’s Totally Brilliant. Here’s Why.

Michael says the second title won the popularity contest 10 to 1.

Yeah, but, who says the strategy is “totally brilliant?” Based on what? And isn’t saying such without facts to support it a bit misleading and therefore representative of the very misinformation that has plagued our society for the last few years? 

Titles matter. I believe what you call your creation should be a reflection of you, your story and the message you’re trying to convey.                           

Which is why I’ll continue to be a title rebel, hear me roar, pitching my stories to editors complete with suggested headliners, knowing full well that nine out of ten times they’ll change it to something they deem more eye-catching and marketable, if less poetic.

Besides, I know a sure-fire way to get folks to click on over. Because no matter how eloquent my prose, cute pet pics win the popularity contest, hands, er, paws down.

Which is why I’ll be posting this column to my social media apps with an “awww-inspiring” photo of my two kitties looking adorable to draw folks in and stick around long enough to actually read this column.

Now that’s totally brilliant.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This month we say a sad farewell to Barbara Neal Varma’s Words From the Writing Cave column. We have thoroughly enjoyed her witty, humorous, and thoughtful essays and can’t wait to see where her writing adventures take her next. We wish you all the best, Barbara!—DeAnna

BARBARA NEAL VARMA is a contributing writer to Orange Coast Magazine and has appeared in other notable publications, including The Atlantic. Her easy-humor personal essays have proven popular with readers, one gaining numerous hits on Orange Coast Magazine‘s website. (Hello: Desperately Seeking Donny.) You can learn more at BarbaraNealVarma.com.